Memory
Memory is an interesting thing that we all have, and sit with differently. Remembering certain things, remembering everything or barely having any memory to look back on.
I have always said I have a good memory, long term especially. I remember dreams most nights. I can sometimes remember the smallest details of someone, of a situation, that probably should be forgotten, but I still retain it. My short term memory has slowly gotten worse, having to re-ask questions, retrace steps, but I have also been the most busy I have ever been these last few years. So my memory is struggling to keep up. But as I am trying to heal, the less I am able to recall the good memories, the ones that I should have, but don’t. It could be just my head space, unable to recall those currently, not that they are actually gone. My brain has just stored them away for now, until they are really needed… At least that is what I hope.
I think maybe that is why a lot of us sit within fiction, because it is easier to place ourselves in a world we want to be in. To have memories there, vs the real memories that are uncomfortable. The ones that cause us pain even if they feel safe, because we are used to what we know. There is nothing wrong with wanting and staying within safety, but it can bind us, restrict us from becoming who we are meant to be.
Memories serve many purposes within our lives. They help us continue on in a day, they make us laugh, cry, feel, learn, connect the dots, and so much more. So when not able to recall the memories you want most, it can be scary. What really happened, what am I missing? It could be the simple answer to a test, it could be your favourite memory of a person, or it could be your brain blocking out a traumatic event to save you.
There are too many possibilities, and I don’t even think I could name them all even if I did a thousand hours of research. Because we don’t know everything about the brain let alone how it stores the knowledge and memories it does. I just know for me, the good memories seem to be harder to find more often than not.
It is a most interesting thing. Some memories are good, some are not so good, some are our way of absolutely rejecting an event. I seems though that time has a way of smoothing the edges, rounding the corners a little more making them more manageable for us to really look at what happened. I like this reminder. Thank you.